Welcome to our little hub of happiness, chaos and questionable decisions!

This is where the magic happens! Where we gather for delicious dinners (well, those of us sober enough to make it to the table! 😂), share stories, have a laugh and make memories that will probably be brought up for years to come!

It's our place to kick back, put our feet up, enjoy a wee tipple (or three!), play games, have a giggle and simply enjoy being together.

No pressure, no pretence, no judgement — just good friends, great company, plenty of laughter and the freedom to be our wonderfully ridiculous selves!

Whether you're nursing a hangover, planning the next adventure or just enjoying a bit of peace before the madness begins, there's always a place for you here.

Come as you are, stay as long as you like, and leave your dignity at the door! 🥂💖

Savage Escapades — where the company is priceless, the laughter is endless, and being normal is entirely optional!

If you're wandering past and suddenly hear a chorus of WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!, don't be alarmed!

It's just our three adorable little grandbabies — Cocowean, Rorison and Belle Belle — making sure everyone knows they've arrived and are very much part of the Savage Escapades festivities!

These three little VIPs take their duties very seriously. Whether it's announcing visitors, keeping an eye on the comings and goings, or simply reminding us that they deserve ALL the attention, they've certainly got plenty to say!

They may be small, but their personalities are mighty, and their barking is simply their way of joining in the conversation!

So if you hear a little commotion, don't worry — there's no emergency, no intruder and definitely no murder mystery to solve…

It's just the furry grandchildren making their presence known! 🐾😂

Savage Escapades — where even the dogs have an opinion, and they're not afraid to share it!

With love, licks and lots of woofs,

Cocowean, Rorison & Belle Belle 🐶🐶🐶💕

Welcome to Creel Cottage, home to four of our Savage Escapades finest — Garry, Annabel, Harry and Stuart!

Now, every cottage needs a leader… and Garry is absolutely convinced it's him! 😂

Garry firmly believes he wears the trousers in his relationship with Annabel. Bless him! He likes to think he's the boss, the decision-maker and the man in charge.

Meanwhile, Annabel is quite happy to let him believe that, safe in the knowledge that SHE wears the trousers, picks the trousers and probably tells him when to put them on!

Then we have Harry, our very own Ken Broon from The Broons! A proper character who could have stepped straight out of the Sunday Post. We're expecting plenty of laughs, a wee bit of Scottish banter and absolutely no shortage of entertainment whenever Harry's around!

And finally, there's Stuart.

Quiet, unassuming Stuart. The man who doesn't say much, sits back and takes it all in.

BUT BEWARE! ⚠️

Get him anywhere near a quiz and suddenly it's GAME OVER for the rest of us!

The quiet one turns into a ruthless quiz machine! While everyone else is still trying to remember the question, Stuart's already got the answer, the bonus point and probably knows what the next round is going to be!

Never underestimate the quiet ones… especially when there's a quiz trophy at stake! 🏆

CREEL COTTAGE — Where Garry thinks he's the boss, Annabel knows better, Harry brings the Broons, and Stuart brings the brains! 🥂😂

Savage Escapades — Different cottages, different characters, same glorious madness! ❤️

Welcome to The Retreataway, home to our two teenage divas, Tyla and Gina!

Two sixteen-year-olds who are absolutely convinced they're grown women, know everything about life and should be entitled to all the privileges that come with adulthood!

Bless their little cotton socks! 😂

First up, we have Tyla, our very own international woman of mystery!

Nobody's quite sure which nationality she's identifying with this week, but one thing's for certain — when that fake tan comes out, all bets are off!

Some days she's beautifully bronzed, other days she's so orange we're considering putting her on top of the Christmas tree instead of the star! 🌟

NASA have reportedly spotted her glowing from space!

Then there's Gina, her equally fabulous partner in crime!

Together, these two are a force to be reckoned with. Sixteen years old, going on thirty, with enough attitude, confidence and opinions to run the entire Savage Escapades operation!

Both are firmly convinced they're old enough to drink cocktails, stay up all night, make their own rules and generally behave like fully fledged adults.

Unfortunately, the law and the actual adults have other ideas! 😂

Mocktails it is, girls! 🍹

And then there's the KARAOKE! 🎤

Give these two a microphone and suddenly they think they're headlining Wembley Stadium!

Whether they can actually sing is completely irrelevant. It's all about the performance, the confidence and making sure EVERYONE can hear them!

Peace and quiet? Not a chance!

Between the fake tan, teenage drama, questionable singing and endless declarations of "WE'RE NOT CHILDREN ANYMORE!", The Retreataway promises to be anything but restful!

But underneath all that teenage attitude are two fabulous girls who bring plenty of laughter, energy and mischief to our Savage Escapades family. ❤️

THE RETREATAWAY — Where the tans are questionable, the karaoke is compulsory, and the teenagers think they're in charge! 😂🎤

Savage Escapades — Sweet sixteen, full of sass, and still not getting served at the bar! 🥂💕

Welcome to Bay Cottage, the newest addition to our Savage Escapades family!

And what a collection of characters we've got living here! Five fabulous individuals, five very different personalities and enough entertainment to keep the rest of us going until next New Year!

First up is John, our very own karaoke superstar!

Give this man a microphone and suddenly he's Freddie Mercury, Tom Jones and Elvis Presley all rolled into one!

It doesn't matter whether there's an audience of five or five thousand — John is giving it EVERYTHING!

The only problem is getting the microphone back off him!

If you hear someone belting out a power ballad at 2am, don't call the police… it's just John doing his encore! 🎶😂

Now, most women love flowers, chocolates, perfume or jewellery.

Not our Katie!

Want to win her heart? Forget the diamonds, forget the roses…

JUST BUY THE WOMAN A CABBAGE! 🥬❤️

Honestly, you could turn up with a bunch of flowers and she'd probably ask if they were edible!

We're seriously considering presenting her with a bouquet of Brussels sprouts for New Year!

Katie — proof that true love doesn't cost the earth… just £1.20 in the vegetable aisle! 😂

Next up, we have Doddsy!

The man, the myth, the mechanical legend!

If it's got four wheels and an engine, Doddsy knows exactly what to do with it.

He's the sort of bloke who can listen to a car for three seconds and tell you what's wrong with it, how much it'll cost and which idiot last worked on it!

Meanwhile, the rest of us are standing there wondering where you put the screenwash!

We reckon if you gave him a spanner, a roll of duct tape and half a can of WD-40, he could probably get the Titanic running again!

Doddsy — fixing cars, solving problems and occasionally diagnosing a hangover as a faulty exhaust! 🔧😂

And then there's Natalie!

Now, Natalie doesn't argue…

SHE SIMPLY EXPLAINS, IN GREAT DETAIL, WHY YOU ARE WRONG! 😂

This woman could debate absolutely anything, from world politics to the correct way to load a dishwasher!

And don't even THINK about getting the last word in!

By the time you've finished making your point, Natalie's already prepared her opening statement, cross-examined three witnesses and delivered her closing argument!

Natalie — undefeated in debates, unbeaten in discussions and absolutely determined to have the final word! 🎤😂

And finally, we have Liam, Natalie's partner in crime!

Standing at approximately SEVEN FEET TALL (well, that's what we're going with!), Liam is the man who doesn't need a ladder to change a lightbulb!

He's so tall he gets a different weather forecast from the rest of us!

While we're all worrying about the rain, Liam's up there checking for low-flying aircraft!

He's also the perfect partner for Natalie — because while she's busy winning every argument, he's got the best view of the whole situation!

Liam — head in the clouds, feet on the ground and probably the only man who can see a debate coming from three miles away! 😂

So there you have it!

One karaoke superstar who thinks he's headlining Wembley, one woman who'd choose a cabbage over a Cartier bracelet, one mechanic who could fix a car with a paperclip, one debating champion who has never knowingly lost an argument and one seven-foot giant who can see into next week!

They're loud, they're lovely, they're hilarious and, most importantly, they're OUR kind of people! ❤️

With this bunch together, Bay Cottage is guaranteed to be full of laughter, banter, music and memories we'll be talking about for years!

BAY COTTAGE — WHERE THE MUSIC'S LOUD, THE CABBAGES ARE FRESH, THE ENGINES ARE REVVING, THE ARGUMENTS ARE NEVER OVER AND THE CEILINGS ARE JUST ABOUT HIGH ENOUGH! 😂🥂

Savage Escapades 2026 — New cottage, same fabulous madness!

Welcome to the family, Bay Cottage! ❤️

28TH DECEMBER — ONE NIGHT ONLY!

⚠️ PUBLIC HEALTH, SAFETY & SANITY WARNING ⚠️

It has come to our attention that a serious accommodation crisis is about to unfold at Ross Bay Retreat.

Due to a minor administrative inconvenience (otherwise known as THE BLOODY HOUSE ISN'T READY UNTIL THE 29TH!), five additional bodies will be seeking emergency shelter in The Old Cheese Loft!

The individuals responsible for this impending chaos have been identified as:

🎤 JOHN — The Karaoke King. Will sing whether you want him to or not. Noise-cancelling headphones strongly recommended.

🥬 KATIE — Requires very little in life to be happy. A comfortable bed would be nice, but a cabbage will do.

🔧 KIERAN 'DODDSY' DODDS — Has apparently sourced himself a mattress from IKEA. Whether it actually arrives, fits through the door or requires assembling with an Allen key remains to be seen. In the event of a missing screw, at least we've got a mechanic!

⚖️ NATALIE — Has already prepared a 47-page argument explaining why she deserves the best sleeping arrangements. Appeals will not be entertained.

📏 LIAM — Approximately seven feet tall (depending on who's measuring and how much they've had to drink). May need to sleep diagonally, with his feet in another room!

The current Cheese Loft occupants have been advised to prepare for:

• Severe overcrowding and unexplained piles of luggage.
• A national shortage of pillows, duvets and personal space.
• Questionable sleeping positions.
• Snoring from unidentified locations.
• At least one person announcing, "I'M NOT EVEN TIRED!" at 3am.
• A suspicious smell of cheese, alcohol and desperation.
• Someone inevitably asking, "WHO'S GOT MY CHARGER?"
• John launching an impromptu karaoke concert when everyone is trying to sleep.
• Natalie demanding a full investigation into who got the biggest bed.

Beds: First come, first served.

Sofas: Highly sought-after luxury accommodation.

Floor space: Available on application.

Kieran's IKEA mattress: Subject to delivery, assembly and structural integrity.

Liam: Wherever we can fit all seven feet of him.

Anyone left standing: Congratulations! You're on breakfast duty!

Please note that the accompanying picture is NOT an accurate representation of the people involved!

In fact, after careful inspection, the Savage Escapades Committee has concluded that ONLY NATALIE AND LIAM LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THEIR ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPHS! 😂

The remaining individuals have apparently been replaced by distant cousins, Hollywood stunt doubles or complete strangers who happened to be passing!

Any complaints regarding facial resemblance should be directed to the Artificial Intelligence Department, who have clearly been on the prosecco!

Will we all fit? QUESTIONABLE.

Will anyone get a decent night's sleep? UNLIKELY.

Will there be arguments about beds? ABSOLUTELY.

Will Kieran's mattress survive? ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

Will we laugh about this for years? WITHOUT A DOUBT!

Because when it comes to Savage Escapades, we don't do ordinary.

We do chaos, laughter, family, friends and completely ridiculous memories!

And remember…

IT'S ONLY ONE NIGHT!

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?! 😂😂

Too many people. Not enough beds. Absolutely no common sense.

Savage Escapades — bringing families closer together… whether they bloody like it or not!

This notice has been issued by the entirely unofficial Savage Escapades Health & Safety Department, which accepts absolutely no responsibility for lost sleep, missing pillows, bad singing or IKEA-related injuries. 😂🥂